Life is hard sometimes especially for a teenager there is no telling what will happen to you when or how. There is that constant fear that you will be judged that no one will get you it is something that i struggled with for years.
But now i don't feel that i am alone you cant let those people change you, you cant let yourself believe for a second that your worth nothing the truth is your not, God made you who you are to change yourself now would be like being upset with God.
I know its hard to believe but you are special because God made you. You are loved because God loves you. I am urging you to believe this it took me so long to figure this out and i ended up with the pain to match.
This blog is not to make you sad it is made to give you hope to show you that God loves you.
you may be thinking no one will ever reach out to help me well i am, God has been reaching out to you the day you found your struggles he was there.
I hope that this helps someone to realise they are Loved.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
My Story
Ok, Well i grew up in my dads church The Banner Of Love,i loved being there even though we diddnt exsactly live in a palace being a child of 4 years i was always sick at some stage and the mould in my room diddnt help either. My parents constantly showed me and my brother and sister their love there was never a time i felt unloved as most parents do they wanted the best for us even if it ment they were to do without.
From a very young age my parents taught me about God and it is a faith i have still today but it wasnt always easy.
By the time i was in prep i was spat on, kicked and laughed at for my faith at that stage i diddnt understand why they did that i felt weird and so i turned to God. In grade 1 i started a prayer group on the lawn of my public school oval every day i would bring my little blanket my childrens bible some bread and cordial and i would spend lunch waiting for people to come so i could break communion and pray over them. Very few came.
One Night we were having family prayer together,I was only 9 at the time and my mum read a passage from Job. That night i was saying my final prayer when i started to cry my mum and dad ran in and asked me what was wrong and all i could say was im happy, it was that day when i recieved christ as my savior.During this time my neighborhood i grew up in had 4 people stabbed or murdured and i lived in constant fear of being killed.
I was just finishing year 5 when i lost my friend i met in prep, one day we were walking around the school when she turned and said to me "Go away i cant attract boys with you hanging out with me". I was crushed i felt like no one cared about me no one would ever love me.It was then when i started to gain weight.
i then moved to my first private school, it was the most horrible school i had ever known. My teacher was mean and cold. Being at a public school their teaching was very bad they never taught us our timestables and i only new up to my 3 times tables. so when i went to the private school i had no idea what to do, my teacher made me stand up everyday in front of the class and recite my timestables and if i got it wrong my whole class would laugh at me. He would constantly put me down .he would say your to fat and even though i had a broken leg he would make me do laps around our oval at lunch and recess.
We then moved to Lara and i began at Covanant, Myself esteem was extreamly low i hated myself and i had no desire to continue on in life. During my first year there i was bullied by the boys in my class on a regular basis they hated me and i blamed myself for it i then started to stop eating hoping i would lose enough weight to get someone to actually love me. It diddnt work and i looked for another way to remove the pain.I started to hurt my self but nothing worked.It was then that someone helped me i could say she was my best friend but she wasnt the only way i could describe her is by calling her my sister i had someone who loved me she was and still is the closest person i no. I new then and no now that i can always count on her she was that one person to look at me for who i am and see something good which of corse i couldnt see.
I am now in year 10 my self esteem is still very low and i dont like myself but i have lost 15 kg and i am getting stronger by the day and that awsome friend is still there for me she diddnt bail out on me she still cares for someone like me and no one will ever no how much she means to me.
Those boys who hated me still do hate me they dont harass me as much and if i told them they had something to do with me getting to the points i did they wouldnt care but thats alright because i have God on my side all the way.
I am lucky to have two parents that love me so much they are truly a gift from God an if you look at them you no that they are the best parents in the world no one can beat there persistence to love and encourage me and i know that they would go to the ends of the earth to see me smile.
I hope i inspired someone out there to keep following God in all that they do.
From a very young age my parents taught me about God and it is a faith i have still today but it wasnt always easy.
By the time i was in prep i was spat on, kicked and laughed at for my faith at that stage i diddnt understand why they did that i felt weird and so i turned to God. In grade 1 i started a prayer group on the lawn of my public school oval every day i would bring my little blanket my childrens bible some bread and cordial and i would spend lunch waiting for people to come so i could break communion and pray over them. Very few came.
One Night we were having family prayer together,I was only 9 at the time and my mum read a passage from Job. That night i was saying my final prayer when i started to cry my mum and dad ran in and asked me what was wrong and all i could say was im happy, it was that day when i recieved christ as my savior.During this time my neighborhood i grew up in had 4 people stabbed or murdured and i lived in constant fear of being killed.
I was just finishing year 5 when i lost my friend i met in prep, one day we were walking around the school when she turned and said to me "Go away i cant attract boys with you hanging out with me". I was crushed i felt like no one cared about me no one would ever love me.It was then when i started to gain weight.
i then moved to my first private school, it was the most horrible school i had ever known. My teacher was mean and cold. Being at a public school their teaching was very bad they never taught us our timestables and i only new up to my 3 times tables. so when i went to the private school i had no idea what to do, my teacher made me stand up everyday in front of the class and recite my timestables and if i got it wrong my whole class would laugh at me. He would constantly put me down .he would say your to fat and even though i had a broken leg he would make me do laps around our oval at lunch and recess.
We then moved to Lara and i began at Covanant, Myself esteem was extreamly low i hated myself and i had no desire to continue on in life. During my first year there i was bullied by the boys in my class on a regular basis they hated me and i blamed myself for it i then started to stop eating hoping i would lose enough weight to get someone to actually love me. It diddnt work and i looked for another way to remove the pain.I started to hurt my self but nothing worked.It was then that someone helped me i could say she was my best friend but she wasnt the only way i could describe her is by calling her my sister i had someone who loved me she was and still is the closest person i no. I new then and no now that i can always count on her she was that one person to look at me for who i am and see something good which of corse i couldnt see.
I am now in year 10 my self esteem is still very low and i dont like myself but i have lost 15 kg and i am getting stronger by the day and that awsome friend is still there for me she diddnt bail out on me she still cares for someone like me and no one will ever no how much she means to me.
Those boys who hated me still do hate me they dont harass me as much and if i told them they had something to do with me getting to the points i did they wouldnt care but thats alright because i have God on my side all the way.
I am lucky to have two parents that love me so much they are truly a gift from God an if you look at them you no that they are the best parents in the world no one can beat there persistence to love and encourage me and i know that they would go to the ends of the earth to see me smile.
I hope i inspired someone out there to keep following God in all that they do.
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